Home Is My Haven Where Life Is For Enjoying And Is Worth Living Fully

The rigid chill reaches deep into the marrow of the bone with shooting pain rising in intensity as it travels across the body once healthy, happy and whole. The young woman once filled with joyous dreams lays upon her bed of sorrows with unfulfilled dreams as if staring down the barrel of the revolver pulled from it’s holster in a gunfight in 5he street of Eldorado. The unfulfilled dreams angerly reminding her of the opportunities missed never to come again, failure is all one sees when they gaze into her aged face,eyes which once danced with life,now saddened with shadows of death lurking closely by, her life choices and what she’s somehow allowed someone to do to her robbing, her of her prize possession HERSELF. Then there is the missed happiness of true love which only exists in the fairy tales read to her as a child always ending in happily ever after which the happily she never sees.
Emotions piercing each inch of her being for she is being told she’s no longer allowed to express herself, find resolve then move on, that she can only remain quiet void of expression as she obediently sweeps everything under the rug; everything the Lord instructed her not to do years before they met but to have harmony within the home she’s disobeying the Lord to make the the tyrant happy and to hopefully be loved once more as before,though she knows deep within herself the love she ached for is not within him for it failed her years ago,when she gave all she had as far as trust when coming from a marriage where the child she brought into that marriage was groomed for molestation through those many years of that too abusive marriage. Knowing of what she was coming out of thinking the new man now the tyrant would make choices to honor her and her love after all all she had been through this was only part of the fairy tale she told herself in hopes it would come true. The new husband’s inability to be an upright,godly honest man,only added to the misery called her life as he thrust the knifes deep within her ribs with such smooth precision never losing the fraudulent smile upon his face as he whispered ,” I love you” her life’s blood now taken as what seems to be his sacrifice. She could not see the evil covered with flesh that once vowed to love and protect her,that it was now what has brought her death,not a death of quickness but that of a cruel slow torture one that makes it’s victim die slowly of neglect, dishonor,disrespect and disregard of her feelings for she is not allowed to feel,not allowed to be who she is created to be but to be what the cruel dictator said she should be. No past,no future,no words but what he wants spoken,when,what and for the length of time these words are allowed to be spoken. Her days filled with quietness for no one is there for her to communicate with and when the Dictator arrives home she certainly is not allowed to speak and upset his reign of terror. In silence she sits without emotion or life as he rules with an iron fist for a good godly wife is certainly to submit. As it’s made to believe the husband is the only one with true commonsense, an educated person who is Lord over her the weaker uneducated unlearned person such as she. She knows nothing of their finances,she’s not allowed to check the mail,she’s told when she could spend and when to spend,treated like his child who’s punishment is to neglect her from of any quality time nor can she express her emotional well-being because it’s nothing he desires to deal with. A lonely existence she lives day after day of silence, avoidance and neglect. She tries to tell him what she needs which falls on angry deafened ears,those filled with selfishness then more resentment follows as she exposed to his fits of anger. The wounds inflicted healed much better than the emotional wounds he creates each time he shows she is worth nothing,nothing at all is her worth. The days turned into years the years turn into more to where it has become where she cannot feel anymore. No more pain nor sorrow no love or joy for he robbed her of everything she became no more. His trophy wife to walk by his side to say no words to gaze lifelessly into space with an etched smile upon her face. The eye’s that once danced as stars in the night sky are not as crystal blue as they used to be for they too are void of all expression just a gaze of emptiness. She graciously rises to give him respect to make his name great at the gates for she’s to be the proverbs 31 woman.

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