Today I write the ramblings of my thoughts feelings and emotions to rid my soul and body of the toxicity of the bipolar depression and the domestic violence that has plagued the household for at least five years now,which the fists have been still for a month as of the 6th of May which made yet another holiday or event miserable and uneventful except this year I healed my wounds as I celebrated mother’s day with him still as I’m writing nursing his I yes inflicted.His family jewels have taken the full impact of my protest to the domestic violence and unjustly being treated,enraged on purpose, goaded to react so the violent behavior can ensue. Once enraged the violence continues until I am believed to be subdued which often ends in my strangulation,this time me grabbing him and pulling his jewels until I was released and I then began hitting him in the legs as he laid in bed; with a club I wailed the few blows to get his attention. The instrument used was a cutting off one of the trees I was planning on using as an object in a craft not a weapon of defense. As I was swinging the few blows to remind him
I WILL NEVER EVER BE HIT AGAIN AND TO LEVEL THE PLAYING FIELD
As I am 5′ 120 lbs max which he is 6’7″ and 224 lbs more or less
This writing is in hopes one will and can learn from my experience not to justify why I stay or why I don’t go to the police as to protect the man and his reputation over the risk of my own life. I can’t honestly answer the questions I so often ask myself. Why do I love the man that houses such a monster of domestic violence, I don’t know but do I believe the last was the last because I’m now making it public whether he or anyone has anything negative to say I’m done,as the saying goes stick a fork in it I’m done.. I’M DONE !!!!
I have stood by and kept my mouth shut to those outside my home but today I’ve decided to make this public because I truly believe nothing will change unless it’s exposed and I am not only exposing this to you but as a reminder to myself I am worth more than this.. He’s a good man,a strong man but he’s a functioning alcoholic and now a man of violence and provoking violence or was once able to..
This day is the day of deliverance of the domestic violence and to all the goading to violence is loosed,bound and cast into the pits of hell from which it came and is now under the blood of Jesus. In Jesus mighty name Amen.
I can no longer live a lie and remain sane,it’s impossible to be fake it’s not in me and that’s why I believe I’ve been hit hard in my health and wanted to end my life, though other issues are at fault there too which alot have to do with the violence that started to occur at the same time-line, they all go hand in hand. I who likes to tackle things head on and he who sweeps everything under the rug where it has became giants that must be fought literally and now through Christ Jesus I little David am finished with the Goliath’s in my life.
To those who understand my ramblings and the writings within because you’ve lived through or are going through the storm in which I have just described, my prayers are with you and until you know your worth it will continue please seek help this is a very dangerous life for all involved because honestly most domestic violence situations are not as this is ending,it usually ends in a life taken either in the rage of violence by the attacker or by the strength of self defense by the victim. Which in all truth both are victim, victims of not living life in love,honor and respect of not only ones self but to the one a vow was made to love honor and protect yet it is the one who vowed who is the perpetrator of the violence and is not the protector of her he wed and announces great love for.
AND I ASK
….what’s love got to do with it ….
As one battered woman to another it is well said in this few words from Tina Turner.