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Manic bipolar episodes

Manic bipolar episodes, in my case I’ve been told is from the unloved daughter syndrome,this is one I wished people around me understood yet they choose not to, believing they know how to handle me.. handle me isn’t that a strong word.. why do I need to be handled but not understood. Rejection is the catalyst in my journey with manic bipolar depression,the rejection I have experienced from a parent to partner’s. When I’m in an episode I need someone to calmly talk to me distract or help me change my thinking patterns; I don’t need screamed at,or talked to in any harsh tones with no intolerance.I also do not need my partner to avoid my calls,avoid talking to me or not supporting me and I certainly do not need to be abused.

I have longed for a love from a human that would be willing to nurture me during these moments, a love that no matter what is going on stands strong beside me,my knight in shining armor giving me the same love,affection,attention,compassion, empathy,dedication and nurturing that I give to other’s especially those I love.

Treat people the way you want to be treated

The saying treat people the way you want to be treated isn’t true,or at least not in the people once or now in my life. For I’ve treated people with all those mentioned above but received abuse physically and mentally,neglected as far as giving of themselves but given materialistic things,pushed aside as if I do not matter and unfaithfulness. How do you give someone something that was taken away in such a manner that trust is now needed to be earned and not given whole heartedly as it once was yet they act as if they’ve done nothing wrong and trust shouldn’t be withheld from them because everyone falls short,how convenient that scripture will be brought to the for front of the unfortunate act as adultery emotional or physical,Though the script Thou shall not commit adultery is one of the 10 commandments. Isn’t it hilarious how people will use scripture to cover the sin committed not asking for forgiveness and allowing Father God to cleanse them with his blood.

Sweeping under the rug

If something happens it’s not discussed until there is resolve,it’s quickly spoken on and dismissed sweeping it under the rug and when it’s brought up anger is risen to great heights were domestic violence has occurred because I have been told I’m unable to let things go. No I’m unable to sweep things under the rug instead I choose to handle the issues at hand calmly and rationally head on until resolve is found,having closure to start rebuilding and repairing the damage caused.

Gaslighting


Gaslighting happens often,it’s always my imagination or what was said wasn’t meant that way and I should know that,though I’m not a mind reader. I believe in saying what you mean and meaning what you say. When I say something it’s twisted and turned in every angle but one thing I know the truth is still truth no matter how someone tries to twist things.

Father God knows the truth in all things

In Father God I put my trust for I know He is the only one I can trust. We can not even trust ourselves.

I also know Father God will,if allowed to either change things in my life or move me where he’s wanting and needing me to be.

This is the only way I know to handle issues,head on not pretending they don’t exist for the issues to later come from under the rug as a Goliath where 5 smooth stones are needed to slay the giant or giants.

Living with a narcissistic person is not easy

Narcissistic people have to have control of every part of their partners life from what they wear to what is eaten. They often keep their partner away from family by making the family members believe you are crazy and the cause of all the disputes, and when family comes the gathering is ruined by the narcissist  just to prove to the family.. see it’s her and make himself out to be the most honorable wonder hardworking husband or partner.


Control


Complete control in keeping the partner without funds so one cannot leave if they wanted to because they don’t want them to work outside the home and the vehicle is usually kept were it’s almost out of gas so one can’t go very far. They stop friends from calling because of their rudeness to the person who called. No friends, No family, No money,No honor,No respect, No love…NOTHING but abuse in some form it’s as if the narcissist is in total control of everything in their partners life then becomes angry if the partner says or does something out of line,not walking on the egg shells properly,or not following the proper procedure of being seen and not heard.

Life is complicated living with a narcissist and having manic bipolar depression

I think of Joseph and how he was imprisoned over and over for something he did not do yet Father God had him promoted to the position just under that of the Pharaoh. In God’s timing He fulfills the promises He’s made His children. When life is hardest I think upon these things. As the world around you looks so perfect from the outside to people looking in,yet it’s as if it’s the mighty raging river of white water rafting behind closed doors. Never judge a book by it’s cover for you’ll certainly be shocked and amazed at the same time.

God knows what He’s doing just walk on, keeping your eyes on Him the beacon of light of your faith and He will work everything out for your good and His glory. In the right moment He will change every situation and circumstance in a way you could never imagine and the promises He has spoken to you are being fulfilled right before your eyes; but until The Lord moves on your behalf praise Him in the hallway of your journey for when we praise Him with a pure heart it causes Him to move on our behalves.


Summation


I honestly don’t believe the manic/ bipolar episode nor flares from lupus or fibromyalgia would be as extensive or as often if love were present and abusiveness of every kind emotionally,mentally and physically were not.

2 Replies to “Facing The Giants”

  1. Dear Teresa, What you described is a dangerous and abusive relationship. Narcissism is too nice a word…I don’t know you at all, really, but I hope you will find some help if all that you described is something you are living with.
    XO-Pamela

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