I NEEDED LOVED MY WAY NOT YOURS
YOU GAVE UP ON ME EMOTIONALLY
I made myself believe that my whole world was spinning around you. I convinced myself that without you, there is no me. That without you, I was nothing.
I believed that you were a hero,my hero trapped in a human being given to me by God. I believed that you could help to keep me fixed to help me stay whole. I thought you could make my past go away, that you could make everything that’s bad about me disappear.
I believed you were my other half and that with finding you, I got everything I needed to get from this life.
I actually believed if you loved me, if I could convince you I’m worthy, you’d never give up on me then I’d finally be capable of loving myself too.
But, God, was I so wrong.
You can’t convince somebody to love you, and most definitely, self-love has nothing to do with love other people give us.
When you emotionally left me, you took my hopes with you. You’ve should of helped fixed me, but you didn’t. You just emotionally exited my life though still physically present.
You should’ve made everything that’s bad in my life disappear, but instead, you were the one that disappeared.
When you emotionally left, I had no wall to lean on anymore. I had nothing to be strong for.
I felt more scared than when I thought I had all of you. You just added another crack in that broken glass that was already there yet glued together by God before I met you.
What you don’t know is that by leaving me, you made me open my eyes. When you left, I was left alone.
Broken love and too many broken promises
Empty words and empty emotions
Soon, I came to realize that the strong wall which you represented for me, on which I was constantly leaning, wasn’t actually something that was holding me from falling down.
It was something that I was chained to and that made me unable to move. Relying on you is something that is unavailable to me but yet available to others especially those you work with for they are your family not I.
When you gave up on me, I decided there’s no use,loving and having a mate who is no longer there no matter what, and who is willing to fight
For me to stand by me.
There is no one there,no one,for you abandon me like an unwanted dog to be pick up by the pound to be euthanized never having a forever love as you promised the day we wed.
You left me on the battlefield alone to fight the enemy myself where I have been mortally wounded with no will to go on.