A long journey home
In the last several years life for me has been stressful to say the least. Some situations were not created by me but I allowed my peace,joy and firm foundation to be taken from me,which is a great travesty on my part,for in doing so I lost the Teresa Father God had made such progress with after a life time of what was just life to me.When He had gotten me there, I myself did not recognize any part of the old Teresa but was genuinely a new Creature in Christ,yet I allowed people to rob me of the precious gift given me by the one who gave His life for me to be United with Him;the lover of my soul.Over time
In the course of time just a short couple of years I returned to the one person I hated being, the old me but back with a vicious vengeance.
Tho I hated the old me I hated this one even more.
A decision needed to be made after my suicide attempt
The issues in my life were not getting better but worse. As I readied everything for the trip of a life time to Colorado with my daughter the problems magnified 100%. Along with my own issues,my daughter was dealing with some of the issues in her relationship needless to say as happy and upbeat as we tried to be,the problems become overwhelming and at times our sensational roadtrip became something I wondered why in the hell is all this happening, I’ve tried being the best I could be for 5 years, yet it seemed that was not good enough being the new creation everyone unwittingly wanted to draw out the old Teresa from it’s resting place and, that they did. One by one each person in my everyday life turned on me as if they were the enemy,all except my daughter who stood,laid,cried and prayed along with me. I wasn’t alone in this crisis though I felt so isolated and abandoned. In August of 2019 I took an overdose of prescription medications hoping beyond hope all would end and I would be in a happier place,I was already in hell.
Hoping beyond hope all would end and I would be in a happier place,I was already in hell.
Being in Colorado was wonderful,feeling as if there was where Father God reached down and scooped up the soil inwhich He usedI was created, so to speak.
Soon the home inwhich we stayed became the fortress that sheltered me from the pain.
The tears flowed like rain in hurricane season
The tears flowed like rain in hurricane season,depression made itself comfortable in me and covered me as the dark clouds in this endless storm. I seen no way out but to end my life.
In the darkness of this trial I have found myself unable to find my way back to Father God as if I had been lost in the forest. Dark,lonely,feeling abandoned in the thicket unable to find any peace
Nine hours laying in bed after taking the overdose the police showed up at the door of my home in Mississippi telling my husband of the suicide letter I had written on the blog and wanted to know where I was; that a reader in Brookhaven had read the post and contacted them. My husband had no idea of the attempt for he seldom reads my blog; he trying to tell the police what he knew of where I was and the address of the home my daughter and I were staying in.
I had made all the arrangements
I had made all the arrangements for the vacation so he knew very little. He tried remembering the address but could only tell them he knew it was in Colorado springs,the tag number of my vehicle and the road was Deer something. My daughter and I were two blocks from the police station yet because of not knowing the address they had a hard time finding where I was. For a couple hours my husband,the Brookhaven police and the Colorado police were in constant contact trying to find where I was and it was by my vehicle that they finally found where I was.
My daughter had been in constant contact with someone who walked her through this time of great distress because I not able to think rationally made her promise me the police nor anyone would be notified of my suicide until I was officially deceased. At nine o’clock pm after the constant vigil of watching me she could finally rest knowing I had made it through the attempt and was now resting so she laid down on the sofa to rest herself for it had been a terrible time for her and to her I apologized for putting her in such a situation as what I did that day.
Needless to say the police showed up banging on the door scaring her even more than what I had and they had her show them where I was,I then was aroused,taken by ambulance to the local hospital then to the mental health facility to evaluate me on a seventy-two hour hold which was placed on me.
I’m in a good place mentally and spiritually
A few months ago I decided to bring forth the Teresa God created in the new creature after submitting myself totally to Him. I have once again given up my will for His and find I’m more at peace. I do fight the flesh with thoughts of different things but I try to quickly put them under submission in the authority of Jesus Christ.
The road to Damascus experience has been a long journey
The journey has been long to say the least,I’m exhausted seeking rest and restoration.
A long journey home