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Addiction hurts everyone involved

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When one joins in marriage you are no longer two but now one flesh. What happens when one of the partner’s are addicted to drugs,alcohol ect.? The person with the addiction withdrawals to themselves hiding from the loved one because they instinctively know concern is going to be expressed from the loved one or spouse. As time goes on the abuse of the addiction starts to tear the very fiber of the relationship at the seams. The spouse left with the Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde personality of the addict feels alone,misunderstood and if not abused physically,then most certainly emotionally. When words of concern are mentioned,the abuser finds a away to avoid the subject all together often leaving the other person alone tho in the same home,hiding to avoid being confronted because conflict usually ensues which the addict is then over joyed for they are now alone with the lover of their choice being unfaithful to the one in which vows were taken before God.Yet they do not see themselves as being unfaithful in their marriage or to their spouse for to them no sexual intercourse has taken place. They go about deceiving themselves that they are in the right not seeing what their behaviors are doing to their spouse.Their logic tells them I’m the provider,I provide everything that’s needed,I never miss work; so what I enjoy my habit everyone has one;  we confronted they then start pointing out the faults of the spouse and their loved ones.Functioning addict’s are the one’s everyone outside the home sees as the most wonderful,loving,kindest person they have ever met but will probably never see the person they become at home behind closed doors for no one to see “only” the one who takes the brunt of their abuse. If one is fortunate to be at the home or around the addict,they see it as cute and funny not realizing this is an every night occurrance for the poor spouse who stays in the addiction abusive marriage or relationship.The abusive words spoken to the spouse who lives with the addict begin to wear and tear the person at their very core causing every lie spoken to be believed soon causing the person to feel as if they have the problem because the addict tells their significant other it’s  them who has the issues not them playing the shifting the blame game. Time together as a couple is now very seldom leaving the addict happy to be left alone not being “nagged” as they call it and the spouse feeling lonely,deprived of conversation,emotional support and physical attention of any kind,often spending their marriage completely alone tho the addict is still in the home but in different rooms.The separation starts having dramatic effects on atmosphere of the home,relationship and the tones of the conversations between the two.The addict is always at the defensive side of every conversation then shifting the blame to the person who loves and cares for them most. The greatest line heard,” well leave if you dont like it here because I’m me,I like who and what I am,if you’re not happy get out.” Or  “I  can make it fine with out you.”  The mistress (the addiction) has won yet another round in the battle of love  verses addiction.As hard as the spouse or loved one prays,waiting patiently for God to move in the situation when nothing seems happen quickly enough or if change comes it’s  thenshort lived causing feelings of hopelessness to the non addicted spouse.Leaving the words of the addict seen to the loved one as just repeated lies/empty words.The first thing an addict will tear apart are the love ties between them and the spouse because the addict is unable to tell them the truth,when promises are made they are always broken, leaving the spouse’s  trust destroyed and without trust there is nothing to build upon because the love is wearing very thin from all of the emotional abuse spewed toward them. The addict will then start tearing apart your children and everything about them to you but be the loving dedicated parent when sober often using their gifts of money or whatever may be needed as pawns to sway the children to see them as the perfect parent,the children not seeing the game played or hear the negative words spoken in the privacy of the spouse’s ears.Abusive behavior causes words to spew from their mouths as water from a spigot like,” you wouldn’t have anything if it weren’t for me.” Or ” yeah go ahead and leave, you’ll see you can’t make it without me.” Or ” who are you going to live with until you get a place of your own,because you have no one.” Leaving the one neglected feeling more alone,unwanted,unattractive,unworthy of something different or better even if that means being alone; for one would rather be alone by themselves than be alone with someone. The addict tries to feed the spouse fear so they won’t leave because they,the addict now thinks the spouse believes every negative word spoken into them and the sad case scenario is they usually do.

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2 Replies to “Addiction hurts everyone involved”

  1. An accurate description. I’ve seen the fall out of this in a marriage related to me. The sad thing is that the wife, who was the sober and steadfast one, is derided by the daughter. Yet the wife is currently looking after thehusband who now suffers a form of dementia as a result of alcohol abuse. I think she’s awesome.

    1. She’s awesome in taking care of hom in his state of alcohol induced dementia and suffering from the abuse in her marriage. She’s a saint on earth. Many blessings to her.

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