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Home Is My Haven Where Life Is For Enjoying And Is Worth Living Fully

Everyone male or female will have several when the time comes moments in their lives.Each at different parts of life. You may be facing a moment like this now with doubt and fear. These feelings often dissipate when we continue in taking the steps necessary in those moments.

” God did not give us the spirit of fear but that of love,power and a sound mind.”

Taking the step of faith

IF ANY OF YOU LACK WISDOM,LET HIM ASK OF GOD,THAT GIVE TO ALL MEN LIBERALLY, AND UPBRAIDTH NOT;AND IT SHALL BE GIVEN HIM.

BUT LET HIM ASK IN FAITH,NOTHING WAVERING. FOR HE THAT WAVERETH IS LIKE A WAVE OF THE SEA DRIVEN WITH THE WIND AND TOSSED. James 1:5-6

Speaking for myself, yet knowing I am not alone in this;I can’t be the only person who will over think something and in the end have talked themselves out of what was being considered. Then on the other hand there have been times I needed to put more thought into something and because I didn’t I injured myself emotionally and spiritually. I have fallen time and time again yet each time I stand to my feet I have gained wisdom,knowledge and understanding causing me to be more capable of making the right decisions when necessary.

” I WILL NEVER LEAVE NOR FORSAKE YOU,” SAYS THE LORD,” I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS EVEN UNTO THE END OF THE WORLD. “

You are not alone in your “when the time comes” moments,do not over think your opportunities,situation or circumstances but with thoughtful prayer,waiting on Father God to nudge you in the right direction. After praying If I find peace in my spirit when facing my when the time comes moments I then go forward even tho as I take the first step all of the feelings of doubt and fear are trying to overtake me as waves of the oceans during storms;I continue to place one foot in front of the other knowing I’ve already succeeded in doing what was necessary in walking towards what I’m being nudged to do. Don’t allow fear and doubt to control your thoughts and interfere with making sound decisions.Take your first step and continue taking each step to accomplish what you’re desiring to do,being called to do or having to do because there is no other choice.

THE HARDEST WHEN THE TIME COMES MOMENT I HAVE ENCOUNTERED IN MY LIFE

In 1999 I was in a car accident which had caused me to have migraine headaches for two years,I lost the mobility of my right arm,learning I have facet turned in my spine pushing against the spinal sac. The neurosurgeon told me if the sac gets ruptured and the spinal cord severed by the facet it would cause me to be a quadriplegic. He talked of surgery but after consulting with His colleagues they decided it was too risky. The surgery entailed the doctor having to go in from the front of my chest with this exposing my heart and lungs which could kill me,also telling me there was a greater chance of me being a paralyzed becoming a quadriplegic them they believing nothing more could be done as far as correcting the issue. During this time I was seeing a neurologist who had given me nerve blocking injections with me being given fifty injections to my head with more given in my neck,shoulders and along my spine. In one day I was given about 175 injections which did not succeed in doing what they were meant to do.

DADDY HAD BECOME ILL

Daddy had been regularly seeing his Doctor when he delevoped what was believed to be pneumonia,the Doctor giving him the proper medication needed to clear it up but they did no good,his condition worsened.The Doctor then deciding to take a sample of the fluids in his lungs,in doing so finding he had lung cancer. An oncologist was later seen with him giving Daddy six months to a year to live. With me working in geriatrics and with cancer patients at one point in my life I wanted to care for him,wanting him to leave Oklahoma and come to Mississippi to live with me and my family. He only agreed if “ when I found it to be too hard on me to care for him because of my own health issues I had to promise him to place him in a health care facility,a nursing home.I agreed thinking that’s never going to happen.During those six months I cared for him and was honored in doing so.I was given sole power of attorney to make sure his wishes of DNR ( do not resuscitate) and making sure he was kept comfortable with pain medications would be honored when that day came;not that my brother would not of honored daddy’s wishes but daddy thought it best since he was going to be living with me that I would be the best choice,though when my brother visited daddy for what was to be the last time he would see him alive because of my brother living so far away; my brother and I talked of everything even going together visiting several facilities to see what were their conditions and talking with each administrator,not finding one either of us liked. My brother and I talked regularly and tho I had power of attorney I talked everything over with him so he too could be involved and help me to make the decisions necessary for our Daddy.Between me taking him to his many Doctor’s appointments and my many Doctor’s appointments it became hard for me to care for him because the situation seemed to enheighten the intensity of the migraines I was already experiencing. The stress was making the muscles even tighter;the stress was not from caring for daddy but from me having to say goodbye to the man I highly respected,honored and loved. I was my Daddy’s girl. My health was making it impossible for me to even care for myself.

” THE LORD IS GOOD,A STRONGHOLD IN THE DAY OF TROUBLE; AND HE KNOWTH THEM THAT TRUST IN HIM. Nabum 1:7

WHEN I FACED ONE OF MY WORST WHEN THE TIME COMES MOMENTS

I was faced with the promise I made in the agreement with Daddy and this was not easy on me

The time had come for us to sit down to talk of everything that I had promised.It was time to find a facility for daddy. In our search we discovered a place in Liberty Mississippi which was just newly built,having few occupants,Daddy making the forty- seventh patient. The facility was a beautiful place and not your typical nursing home,not one I had worked in anyways;this facility had a team of Doctor’s,Nurses,CNA’s and staff that came highly recommended by the Doctor I used to work for as a receptionist. There Daddy spent the last eighteen days remaining of his life. I visited every other day due to the driving distance,I would spend much of the day there having lunch with him in the dining room area or in his room;this giving me the chance to see how the meals were there for him because on the day’s I visited I would of brought food,as I did with his laundry for neither of us liked the smell or feel of his clothes after the facility did it. One day while visiting we had Bbq ribs,potato salad,baked beans,turnip or collard greens,a roll and fruit cocktail,this giving just one example of the food served there. It was the better than some restaurants I’ve eaten in.

…FOR THE LORD YOUR GOD IS GRACIOUS AND MERCIFUL,AND WILL NOT TURN HIS FACE FROM YOU,IF YE RETURN UNTO HIM. 2 CHRONICLES 30:9

After his passing I went through the quilt of not going against his word and keeping him at home with us,as if being cared for at home could of lengthened his time here with us and though I knew with my health it was becoming impossible to do any longer. I constantly beat myself up feeling that I wasn’t a good daughter,person and everything that goes with the quilt I carried of losing a parent and of course it just being me because at the time I had a people pleaser personality. I went through this for years after his passing.I’d pray,cry,pleading him and God to forgive me. It wasn’t until through the years of grieving that I realized I gave him the best of care and love.I loved him with everything in me as he loved me and him knowing how much I loved him,I was then set free.I just had to come to terms with the facts I am human not superwoman,I am not responsible for everything that happens in life good or bad and I had to stop carrying all of that on my shoulders. It’s been eighteen years since his passing there are moments,days,the entire month of April where I still grieve for him.My life dramatically changed the morning I received the call he passed away.It was 7 am April 9,2001 I had planned on visiting him later that morning,tho we had spent the evening until early morning there having been called by the facility being informed he had taken a turn for the worst;the third call we had gotten since his admission. They saying each time I came into the room his health dramatically changed for the better with him pulling through,now it was too late.I understand alot more now that I’m not caught up in quilt,grief,selfishness of not wanting him to go,even angry at him for dying. All of this being part of the grieving process.

No regrets no what if’s

The times I have over thought situations,circumstances or opportunities in my life I have later had regrets of passing them by;having my fair share of the what if’s,spending countless times playing the reruns in my mind of all the missed moments or in situations and the tough choices needing to be made at any given time.

Life is too short to live in or with regrets and what if’s. Learn from me PLEASE DON’T DO THIS TO YOURSELF Take every opportunity given,after of course first taking it to the Lord in thoughtful prayer trusting Him to lead,guide and direct you.

” For the step of a righteous man are ordered by the Lord.

Hindsight is always 20/20 with this being said,I would rather have taken the opportunities given than be flooded with the high tides of regret.

Trust in the Lord

“I KNOW THE PLANS I HAVE FOR YOU, SAYS THE LORD. THEY ARE PLANS FOR GOOD AND NOT FOR DISASTER, TO GOVE YOU A FUTURE AND A HOPE. Jeremiah 29:11

WE CAN NOT CHANGE THE PAST

We can only come to terms with the decisions we have made. Not everything that happens good or bad is our fault.

Enjoy where you are at this moment for it will never come again.

Allow yourself to be human and imperfect embrace you for the you,you are

” YOU ARE FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE IN GOD’S IMAGE “

I should of enjoyed each moment of daddy’s remaining months,soaking in each moment left as I made wonderful memories to recall instead of being lost in the announcement of the death sentence given him;I handled it as I grieved in having to say goodbye,we all handle grief differently being no standard way of grieving nor does grief have an experation date. I am human and I am now allowing myself to be human and imperfect.

Remember you are human and imperfect and it’s okay to allow yourself to be.Live in the moment & not as an outsider looking in because of fear and doubt. Don’t miss one glorious moment in your life.

BE YOU,THE PERSON GOD CREATED YOU TO BE. BLOOM WHERE YOU ARE PLANTED

…”PEACE,peace to him that is far off,and to him that is near,” sayeth the Lord; and I will heal him. Isaiah 57:19

PEACE I LEAVE WITH YOU,MY PEACE I GIVE UNTO YOU: LET NOT YOUR HEART BE TROUBLED,NEITHER LET IT BE AFRAID. John 14:27

Have a blessed day 😊

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